Flirty, Clingy, or Jealous? The 5 Types of Work Husbands You’ll Meet
So You’ve Got a Work Husband… Congrats, I Guess
Alright, ladies, you’ve got yourself a work husband. The guy who treats your cubicle like it’s marital property, gets weirdly protective of your lunch, and probably knows more about your daily routine than your actual significant other. Sounds adorable, right? Wrong. This isn’t a rom-com, and you sure as hell didn’t sign up to be the co-star in When Steve Met Boundaries.
At first, it’s innocent enough. He’s just a good guy, a pal, a buddy who happens to conveniently be everywhere you turn. But then, suddenly, you’re dodging his “we should grab drinks after work” texts like Neo in The Matrix. And before you know it, you’re mentally rehearsing how to say, “Dude, please stop hovering over my desk like a lost puppy” without causing an HR intervention.
The Many Faces of the Over-Friendly Work Husband
Look, before we talk strategy, we need to figure out what breed of work husband you’ve got. Because, my friend, they come in different flavors, and each one requires a special approach. Let’s break it down:
The Clingy Carl – This guy treats you like an emotional life raft. The “just checking in” texts? Nonstop. The uninvited pop-ins to your workspace? Relentless. Buddy, this isn’t The Bachelor, go distribute your neediness elsewhere.
The Flirty Frank – He thinks every workplace interaction is an opportunity for sexual tension. Calls you “work wifey,” loves unnecessary shoulder pats, and somehow manages to find a reason to discuss your weekend plans every Friday. Guy, you’re not George Clooney, settle down.
The Jealous Jerry – Oh, you dared to talk to Steve from accounting? Expect sulking, passive-aggressive comments, and possibly an unsolicited opinion about why Steve “just doesn’t seem like a good guy.” Hate to break it to you, Jerry, but you’re not the boyfriend.
The Inappropriate Ian – Sends memes that make you wonder how he’s still employed. Loves a good “That’s what she said” joke. Definitely got way too comfortable after one HR seminar and now thinks “it’s cool, we’re all adults here.” Yeah, Ian, until HR shows up.
The Nice-Guy Ned – Means well, but suddenly, you know more about his divorce settlement than his lawyer does. You were just trying to eat your lunch, and now you’re hearing about his childhood trauma. Jesus, Ned, therapy exists.
Alright, got your guy identified? Good. Now let’s get into how you handle this sitcom reject before your office becomes the next episode of Dateline.
Setting Boundaries Without an HR-Approved Restraining Order
1. Stop Rewarding the Behavior
Listen, you laugh at his dumb jokes, he thinks you love him. You reply to his texts, you just validated his existence. Cut off the lifeline. Starve the needy puppy and it finds another home. Every time you feed into his antics, you’re confirming his delusion that you two are workplace soulmates. You don’t need to be mean—just be as engaging as a DMV employee on their fifth hour of the shift.
2. Hit Him With the “Work-Only” Vibe
Keep it professional. Be drier than an overcooked steak. If he texts after work? Ignore or hit him with “Let’s talk about it at the office.” If he invites you somewhere? “Ah, man, already have plans.” (Even if those plans are just you, sweatpants, and aggressively ignoring social obligations.)
3. Weaponize the Office Witnesses
Nothing kills inappropriate vibes like a third party witness. If things start getting weird, pull someone else into the conversation faster than a lawyer in a criminal trial.
Example: Him: “I feel like we have such a special bond.” You: “Hey, Karen, doesn’t this guy say the sweetest things?” Boom. You just turned his attempt at workplace flirting into a group discussion. Watch him squirm.
4. The HR Card (If He Just Won’t Quit)
Look, no one wants to go to HR. But if this dude is making you uncomfortable, that’s their job. HR exists for two reasons: ruining company Christmas parties and dealing with guys like this. If he can’t take a hint, maybe he’ll take a formal complaint.
When the Work Husband Becomes the Office Ex
Sometimes, setting boundaries works a little too well. You go from being his office BFF to his archenemy. Suddenly, he’s colder than your boss’s budget approval. Good.
But here’s the thing—this is not the time to feel guilty. You’re not running a support group. You’re at work. Keep it professional, act like you don’t notice his moody tantrums, and get back to doing what you were actually hired to do.
Final Thoughts: Work Spouses Are Fake, and So Is This Nonsense
Look, having a work buddy? Cool. Having a work husband? Stupid. You’re here to collect a paycheck, not emotionally support some guy who thinks eye contact equals destiny. Keep your interactions professional, set your boundaries, and if all else fails—start talking about your real significant other until he finds someone else to bother.
And for those reading this who are the over-friendly work husband? Take a deep breath, my guy. This isn’t Bridgerton. You’ll be fine. Just back up, take a seat, and let your poor coworker enjoy their lunch in peace.
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