Well this should be fun…

Intimacy. That ever-elusive topic that's been the talk of the town since, well, forever. Remember the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome? They couldn't stop chattering about love and intimacy, much to the shock of their prudish neighbors. And then there was the Victorian era, where even uttering the word 'intimacy' would get you a one-way ticket to the scandalous corner. Oh, how times have changed! And let's not forget the Kama Sutra, that ancient Indian "guidebook" probably gathering dust on your bookshelf. A testament, indeed, to our never-ending obsession with the subject.

Now, in our swipe-right, swipe-left modern world, with its ever-evolving 'relationship statuses' and where 'ghosting' is an actual term, we're still scratching our heads, asking: "How often are couples really getting intimate?" It's the million-dollar question, isn't it? One that's been whispered at brunches, debated over by scholars with too much time on their hands, and thought about during those insomniac nights.

Have you ever found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and thinking about... intimacy? No, I'm not pondering the vastness of the universe or why that one sock always goes missing. I'm talking about that burning question that's probably kept you up: "Am I having enough sex?" Or, for those living on the wild side, "Am I overdoing it?" Buckle up because we'll dive deep into this age-old conundrum and see where most of us stand in this oh-so-modern world.

The "Golden Number": Because We All Need a Benchmark, Right?

The elusive "Golden Number." It's like the unicorn of intimacy. We've all been there, lying awake at 2 AM, wondering, "Am I underperforming in the bedroom Olympics?" or "Is my neighbor Bob having more fun than me?" Because, let's face it, nothing says "successful adulting," like comparing your love life to statistical averages or your neighbor.

Now, for those who can only decide by consulting a pie chart, here's a tidbit to feed your obsession. Some researchers, clearly with too much time on their hands, decided to tackle the age-old question: "How often should we really be doing it?" And voilà! They pulled a rabbit out of the hat and declared that once a week is the "magic" number for wedded bliss. I mean, who knew? Apparently, there's a spreadsheet somewhere that can determine your happiness. Puts a new meaning to "Fuck around and find out" huh.

But let's take a step back from this groundbreaking revelation. While it's all fun and games to have a "scientific" target to aim for, can we genuinely slap a number on passion? Are we reducing romance to a weekly chore now? "Honey, it's Tuesday, time for our state-mandated intimacy session!" Some folks might be about that daily dose of love, while others are thrilled with their monthly "special occasion." And guess what? Both are just fine!

At the end of the day, it's not about hitting (no pun intended) some mythical quota or outdoing your overachieving friends. It's about connection, laughter, and awkwardness thrown in for good measure. So, the next time you're stressing over the "Golden Number," remember: it's not the frequency that counts, but the fun and fumbles along the way.

Breaking Down the Numbers: Because Who Doesn't Love a Good Stat?

Alright, gents and ladies, here for the juicy gossip; let's dive into the world of numbers and overanalyzing our love lives. Courtesy of the ever-so-prestigious Kinsey Institute (because who else would be tracking our bedroom antics?), we've got some stats that might just make you spit (better to swallow, ladies) out your morning coffee (or other things wink wink):

• 18-29-year-olds: These young guns are clocking in at a whopping 112 times a year (about twice a week). That's right, almost every third day. It must be all that youthful energy and avocado toast.

• 30-39-year-olds: Coming in with a still-impressive 86 times (about 1.5 times a week, half counting as that lunchtime quicky). It could be the yoga or the realization that 40 is just around the corner. Either way, hats off!

• 40-49-year-olds: Ah, the cheeky 69 times a year (just over once a week). I won't even comment on that number. You've got your own jokes, I'm sure.

But here's the real jaw-dropper: nearly half of all those blissfully wedded couples out there only roll in the hay a few times a month. Yep, you read that right. Just when you thought binge-watching Netflix was the most action many were getting, this stat comes along. Who knew that "till death do us part" might also mean a monthly rendezvous?

So, drop some of these numbers the next time you're at a dinner party, and the conversation starts to wane. Trust me, you'll either be the life of the party or the one everyone avoids. Either way, you're welcome.

Life Happens: Or How Your Mojo Went on an Unexpected Vacation

Life. That unpredictable rollercoaster of never-ending chores, surprise meetings, and those neighbors who think you're their personal therapist. It's a wonder we even find the time to remember our names, let alone keep the flames of passion burning bright.

Now, we've all got our tales of woe, like Sophie <insert your relatable name>. After popping out a mini-human, she felt like her libido packed its bags, jetted off to a tropical island, and forgot to send a postcard. Motherhood turned her from a sultry siren to someone who prefers cuddling with a pillow and binge-watching cooking shows. Who can blame her? Between diaper changes and 3 AM lullabies, who has the energy for romance?

And then there's good ol' Mike <again insert relatable name>. Ah, Mike. He's the guy who married his high school sweetheart, thinking it'd be all roses and champagne forever. Fast forward two decades and their idea of an intimate evening is sitting on opposite ends of the couch, scrolling through their phones. Their once fiery passion? Now, it's more like the occasional sparkler on a damp evening. The culprit? Life, with its endless bills, parent-teacher meetings, and that damn lawn that just won't mow itself.

So, the next time you're feeling down about your own mojo's mysterious disappearance, just remember: you're not alone. We're all on this chaotic, messy, and hilariously unpredictable journey together. And hey, maybe one day, Sophie's libido will return from its extended vacation. One can hope, right?

A Personal Note: Because Weekends are for More Than Just Brunch

Let's get down to the nitty-gritty and spill some personal tea. In my own whirlwind of a love life? My passionate rendezvous mainly happens on the weekends (long distance thing going on here). Yep, that's right. Monday to Friday is about the grind, but come Friday night to Sunday? It's game on, like the Super Bowl, and then recovery on Monday for the back and knees. I know I'm not the only one! Bengay for the win!

But the truth is, our special moments are reserved for those weekends when I'm visiting my girlfriend or when she graces my town with her fabulous presence. It's like a mini-vacation from the mundane, and boy, do we make the most of it!

Sure, I've got that one cologne that promises to make every day feel like Valentine's Day. But let's be real: who wants to waste that magic on a Tuesday? Besides, there's something thrilling about the anticipation, the countdown to the weekend when we can finally be together (and get your fuck on). So, for all you daily lovebirds, hats off to you. But for me? I'll stick to my weekend escapades. After all, good things come (no pun intended again) to those who wait, right?

The Moral

So, what's the moral of the story? Communication is key. Find out what works for both of you. Remember, it's not just about quantity but quality (Maybe), Or is it the other way around? Either way, keep the lines of communication open and the passion burning.

Questions to Ponder my fellow readers:

1. How do societal norms and expectations influence our perceptions of intimacy?

2. Is there truly a "normal" when it comes to intimacy, or is it all subjective?

3. How can we better communicate our needs and desires to our partners without fear of judgment?

4. How do we ensure that intimacy remains a priority in the ever-evolving landscape of relationships?