Cooking Together: The Ultimate Relationship Test (Because Nothing Says Love Like Raw Chicken)

To cook or Not to cook with your partner…..

Now, let's get one thing straight: cooking with your partner can be an absolute nightmare, almost as bad as docking a boat together. In fact, it's one of the most dangerous things you can do in a relationship. Sure, you might think it'll be fun to whip up a meal together, but have you ever considered the potential consequences?

For starters, there's the issue of kitchen hygiene. According to a study I just made up, 90% of all food poisoning cases can be traced back to couples who cooked together. It's a fact, folks. You might think you're being cute by sharing a spoon or licking the same spatula, but you're really just setting yourself up for a world of gastrointestinal pain or a life insurance payout.

And let's remember the power dynamics at play here. Who's really in charge of the kitchen? (I mean, if I really answer that, I’m going to be considered sexist). Is it the person who knows how to chop an onion without slicing off a finger, or is it the person who insists on adding hot sauce to everything? These are the kinds of questions that can tear a relationship apart.

Of course, some couples manage to cook together without killing each other. They're the lucky ones, the unicorns of the kitchen. But even they have to deal with the inevitable arguments over who forgot to buy the eggs or who burnt the garlic. It's enough to make you want to order takeout for the rest of your life.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are some benefits to cooking with your partner. It can be a fun bonding experience, and you can enjoy a delicious meal together at the end and possibly some fun sex play later. But let's be honest: the risks far outweigh the rewards unless you are still getting laid at the end; make-up sex is always the best, right?

So, what's the verdict? To cook or not to cook with your partner? I suggest proceeding with caution. If you're both experienced cooks and can work together without getting on each other's nerves, then go for it. But if you're prone to arguments and kitchen disasters, it might be best to stick to your own pots and pans.

And now, dear readers, I leave you with a question: have you ever cooked with your partner? How did it go? Share your horror stories (or success stories, if you're lucky) in the comments below. And remember to follow us on social media for more relationship advice (and maybe even some recipes that won't make you sick).