Are you the rebound winner in question?

Oh, joy! Another opportunity to dispense my sardonic wisdom to the masses! I'll ensure this blog post is dripping with enough sarcasm to make even the most jaded of us crack a smile.

So, you're the rebounding partner. Congratulations, you've won the "Participant" trophy (and you probably aren’t the only one) in the game of “love.” But what does that even mean? You're the temporary distraction for someone who just got out of a relationship and isn't quite ready to be alone. Think of yourself as the comfort blanket of relationships. You're warm, cuddly (or chubby), and there when they need you, but ultimately disposable like a tampon.

But don't worry, being the rebound is all that bad. Did you know that according to a survey of 1000 people, 75% of rebound relationships lead to lasting love? I bet many eyes opened up with hope; that statistic is entirely made up and shouldn't be taken seriously. Only a few surveys are available to ask about being a rebound partner. Not many like talking about being used like a booty call, or do they?!? But hey, if it makes you feel better, run with it.

So, how do you handle being the rebound partner? Well, first of all, you need to accept that this isn't a real relationship. It's a Band-Aid for someone's broken heart; eventually, they'll rip it off and move on. So don't get too attached, and definitely don't try to make it into something it's not; she’s not thinking of marriage anytime soon. You'll end up with a broken heart and a busted ego.

Secondly, remember that rebound partners are just temporary stopgap solutions. You're not going to change someone's mind about being single, no matter how amazing you are at providing unbelievable orgasms. And let's be honest if we can; you probably brought it on yourself, stalking her after a breakup; we know who those guys are. But that's okay; we can work on your self-esteem later.

Thirdly, have fun with it! Rebound relationships can be wild and carefree. They're the perfect opportunity to live in the moment and enjoy yourself without expectations. Make sure to practice safe sex, lots of it, and don't leave your heart on the table, just DNA.

And finally, be honest with yourself. Are you really okay with being the rebound? Is this what you want out of a relationship? If the answer is no, then it's time to move on. There's nothing wrong with wanting a real relationship; you deserve better than being someone's temporary distraction/booty call.

So, in conclusion, being the rebound can be a wild ride, but remember to keep your heart and genitalia protected and have fun. And for all you lovely readers out there, the question is: Are you okay with being the rebound, or do you want something real? Let me know in the comments below, and remember to follow me on my highly entertaining and educational social media accounts.

Until next time, this has been your resident sarcastic relationship expert signing off!